Most parents are not aware of how the divorce/separation affects children emotionally, nor is it a priority or consideration in most cases. Children of divorced parents may still grow up to be emotionally wounded.
Looking back before the days of the divorce, parents were placed on pedestals. Children formed opinions before their parents divorced: arguing doesn’t mean something is wrong. They are taught to make up after fights among their friends but mom and dad aren’t taking their own advice. Children never see it coming, even when it is obvious mom and dad can’t seem to sit in the same room together without angry conversations.
The child of divorced parents reflects often on the good times, wishing they would be again. This was a time of feeling good, confident and carefree, “So what happened? Everything looked okay.” Or was it really?
Questions, confusion and too often the wrong message remains with the child of divorced parents. The child is left wondering whether he/she is the cause: If they didn’t have me, this would not be happening. Did I do something wrong? Why don’t they love me anymore? Have they stopped loving me too?” The confidence and love once felt has turned into fear of what will happen next.
Most children of divorced parents accept what has happened and move on, even though they may feel wounded; others remain stuck at the age it happens and resist letting their divorced parents go on to make that new life. This condition can last into adulthood, if never addressed. The wound can sit invisible for many years manifesting itself in ways that the wounded may even be blind to.
If you are an adult survivor of divorced parents ask yourself these questions: How are you doing in the adult relationship department? Are you afraid to commit? Do you find yourself distrusting the one you’re involved with? Have you broken off a romantic involvement that started to get serious? Do you feel safer in multiple relationships versus one at a time? Your answers may be an indicator that you are still chained to your divorced parents.
Healing from divorced parents begins with admitting all the feelings you had as a child, accepting that life isn’t perfect, that people change, and relationships dissolve. Added to these steps is forgiveness. Forgive your reactions as a child (anger; bitterness) because you didn’t know any better. And forgive your parents for their imperfections, how you held them on a pedestal and they didn’t measure up; they failed too, failed to forgive, to say, “I’m sorry,” and to make up.
Admit: similar to confessing; Forgiveness: He is the author of forgiveness; Parents who lose sight of right and wrong by God’s standards reap the result and children suffer.
Some hurt require more than practical steps. May need a step of faith to completely plug the hole in a soul, to not just face and accept, but to bring about complete healing in both the spirit and the soul.
Let me pray for you: “Lord, let the searcher find healing and deliverance in their soul from past events that may still be lurking in the background of their walk through this life you have given them.”
Keep the faith,