“My son, give me your heart and let your eyes delight in my ways.” Proverbs 23:26
Why am I struggling? What is going on that is causing me to question everything? Can God really be for me, or is he a fantasy? I have seen his magnificent works, but my thoughts still ring with doubt and unbelief?
Forgive me if I start out with ramblings that seem to have no point or direction but they do end up some where. . .
We all have moments, don’t we? “Why am I struggling to believe God” was the first words I wrote on the paper. I didn’t know where I wanted to go with it, or what point I wanted to make. He’s still not healed. It’s been a few years. Finally, I said, “What is the lesson in all of this? There has to be something.”
There is something, Divine mystery. Then there is my selfish prayer. I can only see what I want. I am thankful that God saved his life, but I want more. This wasn’t our plan. He was suppose to be in college. . . on his way to success in something.
Who am I talking about? My grandson. He was hit by a car 9 years ago which totally changed his life; instead of being independent, he is dependent. He struggles to stay gainfully employed and has mental issues. We have been praying for his wholeness, restoration and a changed heart for years.
I admit I have at times lost heart. Yes, I’ve wondered why God has not healed our grandson. Why do we have to suffer through this?
And then a thought occurred: Is his healing to make my life better? I had to acknowledge that it would. I could rest a little easier. I’ve even said, “I’m your daughter. Do it for me, LORD. I even tried to remind God how it would bring Him glory.”
I’m not ashamed of my moments. . . Looking at the impossible in the natural and sometimes discounting the spiritual. This has been a long wait. Will God heal him completely, or will he have to live with this the rest of his life.
I could focus on trying to figure out “why” and “when,” instead of trusting God with His plan, and believe His plan for this life will suffice for us as a family. The question I ask: can I change the outcome? The answer is no, only God can, and in the meantime, we wait and continue to pray.
I have come to accept that my selfish prayers are not in God’s divine will for this child. This situation has taught me humility, how to stay the course, love in spite of his brokenness, not to mention breaking a very arrogant and prideful spirit this child had from a young boy. . . Ouch! It hurts to think of it this way.
When you find yourself in the midst of something, a decision you need to make, a storm that keeps rising up, things not going according to plan, pray and ask God to help you to accept what is happening and to understand that indeed everything is working according to His divine plan.
Where are you in your life purpose? Have you experienced so many storms you can’t seem to pick up the pieces? Do you feel as if there is something missing, a hole in your heart? If you are ready to move on, then schedule your 1 hour complimentary coaching session to discuss how. (Schedule Here)