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“My son, give me your heart and let your eyes delight in my ways.” Proverbs 23:26

Why am I struggling? What is going on that is causing me to question everything? Can God really be for me, or is he a fantasy? I have seen his magnificent works, but my thoughts still ring with doubt and unbelief?

Forgive me if I start out with ramblings that seem to have no point or direction but they do end up some where. . .

We all have moments, don’t we? “Why am I struggling to believe God” was the first words I wrote on the paper. I didn’t know where I wanted to go with it, or what point I wanted to make. He’s still not healed. It’s been a few years. Finally, I said, “What is the lesson in all of this? There has to be something.”

There is something, Divine mystery. Then there is my selfish prayer. I can only see what I want. I am thankful that God saved his life, but I want more. This wasn’t our plan. He was suppose to be in college. . . on his way to success in something.

Who am I talking about? My grandson. He was hit by a car 9 years ago which totally changed his life; instead of being independent, he is dependent. He struggles to stay gainfully employed and has mental issues. We have been praying for his wholeness, restoration and a changed heart for years.

I admit I have at times lost heart. Yes, I’ve wondered why God has not healed our grandson. Why do we have to suffer through this?

And then a thought occurred: Is his healing to make my life better? I had to acknowledge that it would. I could rest a little easier. I’ve even said, “I’m your daughter. Do it for me, LORD. I even tried to remind God how it would bring Him glory.”

I’m not ashamed of my moments. . . Looking at the impossible in the natural and sometimes discounting the spiritual. This has been a long wait. Will God heal him completely, or will he have to live with this the rest of his life.

I could focus on trying to figure out “why” and “when,” instead of trusting God with His plan, and believe His plan for this life will suffice for us as a family. The question I ask: can I change the outcome? The answer is no, only God can, and in the meantime, we wait and continue to pray.

I have come to accept that my selfish prayers are not in God’s divine will for this child. This situation has taught me humility, how to stay the course, love in spite of his brokenness, not to mention breaking a very arrogant and prideful spirit this child had from a young boy. . . Ouch! It hurts to think of it this way.

When you find yourself in the midst of something, a decision you need to make, a storm that keeps rising up, things not going according to plan, pray and ask God to help you to accept what is happening and to understand that indeed everything is working according to His divine plan.

Where are you in your life purpose? Have you experienced so many storms you can’t seem to pick up the pieces? Do you feel as if there is something missing, a hole in your heart? If you are ready to move on, then schedule your 1 hour complimentary coaching session to discuss how. (Schedule Here)

Blondie L. Clayton

Blondie Clayton, a publishing coach, author and speaker has been helping women heal their hurts through writing and speaking for more than 17 years. To learn more about why Blondie is committed to helping women heal (Click Here). If you are ready to explore how Blondie Clayton can help you transgress your past to live a happier, confident, more fulfilling life (Click Here) for your 1 hour complimentary coaching session

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happy little-boy

I wish you could hear my two year olds laughter. It is so pure and it just comes. She laughs all the time. I love to hear her laugh. Although, I don’t think laughter is appropriate while trying to run the dog over, but nevertheless she laughs.

If only I could capture those moments but they are so spontaneous. By the time I get my camera she stops and refuses to do it on purpose even if it is for a picture.

The other day I was at a local store and passed a couple shopping for lumber. They were caught up in their own world. My baby was giggling and trying to get their attention but they were oblivious, didn’t care.

It reminds me of the kiddie song: If you’re happy and you know it, clap, stomp, say hello, or shout hooray.

Have you ever smiled at people who didn’t smile back? Everyone is so occupied with doing their own things that there is no room for anyone else until we get old, or sick and dying.

Have you heard your friends say—or perhaps you have said it—“I just wish I could be happy?”

Where does happiness come from? I thought it came from having lots and lots of stuff. When you grow up poor, you see it that way, at least I did.

So what is your idea of happiness? Is there a time in your life where you have felt happy?

I can say I never felt happy, even in childhood. I was always waiting for the next foot to drop, so to speak. I thought, “Don’t get too happy; it’s not real anyway.”

Is happiness about not having a care in the world? No health challenges, money problems and able to buy whatever you want and to go any where you want?

Yet there are people who have more of what we perceive as “comforts of life” who are still unhappy. Have you looked at Hollywood lately? So why aren’t people happy? What composes happiness?

I once read a story about a CEO who gave up his high paying job and comfortable lifestyle to live a frugal life and he said he had never been more happy.

Are there degrees of happiness? Is it about our perceptions of happiness? Where does true happiness come from? Why is it that our perceptions vary so? Is true happiness possible? Is there such a thing as happiness?

Based on my exploration, personal stories of others, and my experiences, happiness appears to be in the “eye of the beholder.”

Have you ever said how blessed you were when things were going right, but still felt depressed, or sad, at times and didn’t know why?” Isn’t happiness forever? I always thought it should be forever. Perhaps it was my distorted view of happiness.

I too have asked the questions: “Why can’t I be happy? Why is everyone else happy and I’m not.”

I think we can safely conclude from our conversation that what makes you happy may not make another person happy at all. What do you say?

Another thought I have in closing, from the words of the Great King Solomon: “I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 2: 10-11)

Spoken by a man who had every earthly treasure and pleasure. So then what is true happiness?

The Apostle Paul puts it this way: “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or want.” (Philippians 4: 12).

What did Paul know? What was he saying?

Dr. Charles Stanley puts it this way: “The secret he discovered was to live on the basis of his position in the Lord, not his feelings. As God’s child, Paul knew he was spiritually rich – “blessed . . . with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ” (Ephesians 1:3) because he had a loving Father and the Holy Spirit’s guidance.”

I have become happier not because of what I possess here on earth. I can’t take those things into the grave but I can enjoy them here. The bible promises life after my earthly experience, and that I embrace with great contentment.

Let me know what you think.

Keep the faith,
Blondie Clayton

Where are you in your life purpose? Have you experienced so many storms you can’t seem to pick up the pieces? Do you feel as if there is something missing, a hole in your heart? If you are ready to move on, then schedule your 1 hour complimentary coaching session to discuss how. (Schedule Here)

Blondie L. Clayton

Blondie Clayton, a publishing coach, author and speaker has been helping women heal their hurts through writing and speaking for more than 17 years. To learn more about why Blondie is committed to helping women heal (Click Here). If you are ready to explore how Blondie Clayton can help you transgress your past to live a happier, confident, more fulfilling life (Click Here) for your 1 hour complimentary coaching session

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